I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize