This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
