One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
