I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
