Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
