So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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