PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
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