Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
