Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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