How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
