Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
