I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
