R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
