They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
