hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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