I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
