i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
