Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
