i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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