what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
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Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
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I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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