been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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