You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
