Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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