Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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