I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
