He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
