It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Randomize
