Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
we should paint friendship bongs
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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