In the future we'll all be gay
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
