the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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