Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I am one with the molecules
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
