He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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