I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
