brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
