She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
