i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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