I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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