I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
