Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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