This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
