just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
