at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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