Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
