I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
