If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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