I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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