if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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