If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
