i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
