Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
