she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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