You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
