walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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