so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
