If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
