fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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