Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
