1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my sisters under your porch take her home
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
