im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
