I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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