I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
