i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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