please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
