Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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