Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
