i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
