Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
