Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize