Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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